What is Distance?

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Ever since Aidon left back to Australia we have talked every day. At first, it was probably a text or two a day. Maybe just a Snapchat. But as time progressed, the conversations got longer and pretty soon it became phone calls and facetime. There hasn’t been a day that I haven’t wanted to talk to him.

He says all the right things. He makes my heart skip beats, and the way I feel for him is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. Maybe it’s because I finally found someone just as crazy. He gets jealous if a boy flirts with me, he is afraid to express too much emotion in case he scares me away, and he is a romantic without labeling himself as one. I could make a book with all the corny one-liners we tell each other, and although he thinks they are probably meaningless, they mean so much to me. My heart melts each time he calls me babe or lets it slip how much he misses me, or when he makes comments about a future together. Maybe he doesn’t notice, but I am always listening. I think because of distance, I have to listen more. I can’t rely on physical cues to understand his mood, so communication between us is crucial.

As much as he makes me feel reassured, I also feel crazy insecure with him. I’m scared somehow he will be taken away from me. I’m scared I will feel too much, say the wrong thing, or maybe he will just lose interest. The last guy I “dated” would tell me how much he liked me, and then within 24 hours, he completely dropped me and ran off with some other dude. I was blindsided and crushed, and I’m not saying Aidon is like that, but It makes me somewhat guarded. Not sure why, but I haven’t really had a successful long-term relationship. Maybe I am doing something wrong, but with each one, I learn a little more and get stronger. I’m still learning to be confident and secure. I tend to lose those traits when I fall in love because all of a sudden I care and when I care I feel crazy. Maybe I am crazy.

Aidon is coming in September and I am super excited, but I am also nervous. Since he’s left we have an unspoken agreement between us that we are not talking to other people. I am on no other dating apps, I turn guys down when they try and ask me out, and no part of me is even looking anymore. I am so content and happy with Aidon that I don’t even want the thought of someone else. I can’t explain it, but a part of me thinks he might be the one. Which is so scary for me to write, let alone, think about. Because if I’m wrong, I would feel so stupid. But if I’m right, man what an incredible love story we would have to share. Instagram, to LA, to Australia, to love. I don’t want to ruin anything by thinking too much about it, but I can’t help but let my mind and heart wander. So far they haven’t come back.

September will be a huge deciding factor in our relationship. Will the same attraction still be there, will we get along, or will we fizzle out and realize this maybe isn’t for us? But it could also have a huge positive effect, one I should be focusing on the most. We could grow closer as a couple, fall in love, and even make a commitment that will change the course of our lives. I’m not talking about marriage, but if we agree to keep this relationship up, there will be constant flying between both countries.

I’ve always wanted a wild romance. One that defied the odds and beat out the naysayers against romance. I never wanted to force one, I don’t think it’s possible. But this came when I least expected it, and I just hope and pray that it stays for the long run.

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