I haven’t seen my ex since the breakup in January. I think about him from time to time, but really it’s just a distant memory that I struggle to believe was once real. How could someone be so close and then a complete stranger? Do people change, or are we still the same and we just forget what they were once like?
I have always imagined the moment I would see Shay in person and It always went one of two ways.
- I’m awkward, I say hi, and give him a hug. Not really sure where it goes from there.
- I make it a point he see’s me, and then I blatantly ignore him.
I kind of did a mix of the two when the time came that I would finally have my chance encounter with him. And in my mind, I would like to think I walked away on top.
It all happened when I wanted to go to WeHo to celebrate Halloween. I dressed myself to the nines and donned my black and white marching band jacket to be a member of My Chemical Romance’s Black Parade. I had my neighbor paint my face to look like a Skeleton, and It was absolutely perfect! I looked completely unrecognizable, and it was up to the imagination to fill in what my face actually looked like without all of the makeup.
I really wanted to go to WeHo because there is a very attractive DJ at my favorite bar who, two weeks prior, gave me his number. I wanted to see him again, and I really wanted to show off the amazing makeup my neighbor did for me. It was going to be a win win for me, and it was.
It was even better than I could have ever imagined.
When I entered the bar I headed straight towards the DJ, and as I neared him, I saw Shay standing on the dance floor right in front of him. My heart suddenly jumped, and I immediately ran back towards the entrance of the bar to update my friends on the situation. I didn’t know what I was about to get myself into, but I wanted to make sure I had backup.
This was it. This was the moment I was finally going to see Shay again. But it wasn’t how I had wanted him to see me after all this time. I wanted him to see my body. Notice how much it’s changed, how much I’ve been working out, and how strong and healthy I now am. I wanted him to see what he was missing, and how I turned out to be everything he wanted, but something he could never have.
But I didn’t let my want of the situation stop me from doing what came next.
I wasn’t about to back down. So I marched right up to him, grabbed his shoulder, and said hi.
He looked at me like I was crazy, and then it dawned on me he had no idea who I was because of all the makeup. He looked so confused and kind of scared, and for a moment, it felt like I had all the power.
I quickly told him it was me and he was shocked. I can’t even remember what he said, but just hearing his voice again kind of gave me butterflies. I wasn’t attracted to him, but just being close to him again felt strange. It kind of made me feel fuzzy and sad, and I couldn’t help but question everything. Was it real between us? Did he ever think of me? Did he ever miss me? But as quick as it came, was as quick as it went, and within a few seconds I was back in control of my emotions.
His new boyfriend was there, but he didn’t introduce me. Instead, he reintroduced me to a friend who I had previously met and we ended up chatting a bit. Shay didn’t seem keen on talking to me, I got the vibe that he was uncomfortable, but the best thing was I wasn’t. I felt totally in control, and strangely, elated. It felt good to confront him and kill him with kindness than hate and disdain. I mean him no ill and I hope he is happy, and my mission that night, was to show him how happy I was too.
I spent some time catching up with his friends as his boyfriend stood far away dancing. His boyfriend was dressed as Kimmy Schmidt and I admired the costume, so I went up and gave him a compliment. It was the only words I said to him, and I meant them. It was a pretty cool and clever costume. I wonder, however, if they went home that night and talked about me. I bet they did, and whether it was good or bad it doesn’t matter. I made an impact, and even if it was awkward or uncomfortable, I stood my ground and finally said “nothing will shake me.”
After hello’s and some catching up, I made it a point to excuse myself to go talk to the DJ. When I walked up to him he immediately gave me a big hug and left me alone on his stage while he went and got me a drink. As I stood up there dancing and overlooking people below, I could feel Shay and his friends staring at me. It was like there eyes were asking, “what’re you doing up there,” and I left it to Shay’s imagination to fill in the blanks. I wanted them to see me with him, and I wanted to make it look like there was more between the DJ and I than there really is. I know I shouldn’t worry about impressing an ex, but everybody wants to make sure they look good to the person post breakup. Success, truly is the best revenge.
Ultimately Shay left without a goodbye, but what did I expect? Him to say bye to me, his ex boyfriend? I’m not sure where the rest of his night took him, but the following day he finally posted his first photo of him and his new boyfriend. Maybe seeing me was the push he needed to do it.
You’re welcome Shay’s boyfriend.