Today I spent the night in Nashville with my best friend. I would like to think I could go out without the intention of bumping into a cute guy that would possibly be my future husband, but I can’t. Literally every time I go out I’m on the hunt for Mr. Wonderful. It’s a problem I’m sure, but I don’t know how not to scope the bar for a cute boy.
The problem with going out to bars in Nashville is the fact that everyone around me was cute, and I would assume, straight. I didn’t want to stare at anyone too long because I didn’t want to get my ass kicked. This may be 2016, but I am still in the south.
So while dancing with my friend I had this overwhelming feeling of loneliness wash over me. It sucks being attracted to the same gender when you live in a world predominantly heterosexual. But that’s not the point of what I’m writing about. I guess I just felt so alone because I watched so many couples surround me, or at least people trying to become a couple and I had no one to flirt with. I was too scared to talk to a boy who I thought was cute, and the most attractive man I spoke to was a married man named Alex who I gave advice to because his wife was upset.
I don’t miss my ex, but every time I go out and drink I have this feeling where I want to be loved. I miss having a boyfriend. Someone to love and who loves me back. Someone to have by my side, my own personal partner in crime. But I also have this other feeling inside me that knows I need and should be single right now. There is so much of me I want to focus and work on. I want to work on a book, try and get my poetry out there, boost my acting career, get into better shape, and do something to better the world.
On my cab ride home tonight from the bar I asked my driver if he was married. He replied that he was and I asked what the secret was, and he said, “patience.” I don’t know about you, but I am not a patient person. A patient person would be able to go about their life without being on the constant hunt for a beautiful boy, but it got me thinking. He was right. Patience is what allows for successful communication, and proper communication leads to a healthy relationship. Let’s just find me a relationship so I could put that all to the test.
But I am loving being single. I am enjoying that I have the opportunity to fall in love at any moment, but being single isn’t always fun. Sometimes I do wish I had someone to go home with and someone to wake up to. But maybe my cab driver was right. The secret to marriage is patience, but maybe it’s just the overall secret to life. I want a love that’s worthwhile, not the same bullshit I’ve run into time after time. And in order to find that, I need to stop looking. Things always pop up when you’re not looking for them. Maybe I should just keep looking for myself and hopefully I’ll uncover some love on the way.