To Fall in Love Again

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When I was with my ex, I used to get sad by the fact that I would never fall in love again. Like I said previously, I thought he could have been it, and I had these moments where that feeling made me feel overwhelmingly disappointed. And I would try my best to ignore it and not think about it. Okay that should have been a huge red flag he wasn’t the one, but loving him felt right, so I followed it.

I love the idea of falling in love and I was guilty, even while with him, about thinking about falling in love with someone else. I think I felt like that because I knew something was missing from the relationship, and I thought there was someone out there who could fill in the gaps. I would wrestle with the idea that maybe I was falling into the trap of my generation, that I wanted more when I already had something great, but I lived that relationship until its last day and gave it my all. I purposely fought myself against what I knew was right in order to not be a quitter. Was that good or bad?

But the best part of being single is the possibility that anything can happen. I could fall in love with anyone, and I don’t have anything holding me back from achieving that wild love I know we all deserve. Yet my problem is I want to rush love, and I don’t know how to take it slow in regards of trying to find the one. I obsess over apps like Tinder and Bumble, and I am guilty of looking at every person who pops up on my screen as Mr. Right. I mean if my perfect man is out there, I want to find him, so disconnecting has been extremely difficult.

Before I started my little 3 week road trip of the Northeast, I was talking with this guy named Rock. We had talked for 2 weeks and gone on 2 successful dates, but we never kissed. I almost felt like he wasn’t into me, but when he asked for a date 2 that led me to believe that just maybe he was. Date 2 was a complete success. I took him rock climbing and to my favorite sushi place, and he kept raving about how impressed his was about my climbing skills. I thought for sure I would get a kiss after that, but still nothing. Then before we were going to hangout for a third time I up and left. I told him I was going away for a few weeks and that I hoped we would keep talking, and he said of course. But so far we have hardly spoken, and before I left we talked everyday. I don’t know about him, but when I’m into someone I generally want to talk to them.

Since nothing physical happened and we never discussed feelings, it almost makes me feel strange to admit that I like him, or that I was at least starting to. Can you like someone after 2 dates? Hell, I fell head over heels for someone after one, so yes it’s possible. I guess I feel awkward about it because like I previously stated, I don’t think he likes me. And if he does, he has a very strange way of showing it. But for the first time since my ex I think I’m starting to like someone, and I don’t like that. There isn’t much to update on him since I’m away, but I will see when I’m back in town if he still wants to get to know me. I mean, I hope he does, and maybe his slow and steady approach is just what I need to keep my interest and love growing.

I think when I meet the right person, I won’t feel sad about not having the ability to fall in love with someone else because I would feel complete. Maybe that’s the indicator we all need to know we found the right one. If you don’t want anyone else, then chances are you feel complete with who you have. Now let’s go find me that without me having to look for it. That’s the best part of being single right? Anything can happen without force.

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