Did I Just Ruin A Good Date?

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When I go into dates, especially first ones, I don’t expect much. I said it before and I will say it again, I’m good with dating just not with actual relationships. I try and be as casual as possible. I will ask the blunt questions, and I will speak my mind, so I never understood that when it came to relationships these became the qualities my partners didn’t like. Especially when it was what they admired in the first place.

I had a date today with a guy named Dan. We met on Tinder, and I suggested we go to my normal go to first date place: Sushi Stop. I really need to mix it up. Shay and I had our first date there and I generally make it my normal first date place. There are two reasons why I do this. Number one: It’s cheap, so if the guy doesn’t pay the bill or wants to split it’s completely affordable. Number two: It’s good sushi. Not the best, but good enough.

Dan was unlike any guy I ever went on a date with. He was shy and I almost felt like I was interrogating him when I was asking questions. He also had a wart on his hand, and it concerned me. I can be so dramatic, and a wart on a finger leads me to believe you have warts on your penis and I’m not about to go down that road. I mean they’re contagious and I do not want one. Maybe it’s stupid of me to actually consider that as a factor if he is worth pursuing. But he was so handsome, and he had the most unbelievable innocent blue eyes. It almost felt like he had never been on a date before, and he seemed super nervous. It was hard for me because I approached this date the same way I approach them all: careless, relaxed, and straight forward. I don’t follow the normal rules of how dating should go. I don’t see the point  of not getting deep right away. I say ask the tough questions first so there are no surprises later on. I will ask if you have been in love. I will ask about your family or your parents. The worst part though, is I often forget the answers. I’m horrible at listening and that’s probably because I can be very selfish. I hope I get better at that. 

So that was how I handled Dan, but he seemed out of his comfort zone with my tactic. So I started asking simple things like his favorite color or his favorite animal. I discovered he loves Orca’s and dreams of Kayaking with them. See, I do listen sometimes!

His shyness, at first, turned me off. I don’t want to be with someone who can’t hold a conversation, but every question I asked he answered, and there were never big moments of silence. He would sometimes look at me and I couldn’t read his expression. I want to say admiration, but honestly there didn’t seem to be anything to admire. We just met, and from my end I felt like I was making him uncomfortable, not happy. But as the conversation progressed and he opened up more and more I started to take more of a liking. He definitely seemed like someone worth getting to know. Note to readers: everyone is worth getting to know, I just mean he seemed like someone I could possibly want to date.

I really took a notice when he opened up about his family. His father passed away when he was 8, and he says his mom hasn’t been with another man since and to this day she still wears her wedding ring. She, to him, became an example of what love should be. It is exactly how I feel when I look at my parents. They are my example of love and what I strive for, so it was refreshing to see that same view in someone else. It’s hard to find in my generation.

He paid the bill and invited me out to do something after, but I respectfully declined. I had to go to rehearsal, but I would have loved to continue hanging out. A few hours after the date I text him saying I had a good time and I would love to do it again. I haven’t done that with any of my dates since the break up except for Drew. And the only reason I pursued Drew is because I knew Shay liked him. Unfortunately, Dan didn’t text back and I haven’t heard from him. I don’t take it personally, but it made me think. Are my casual dating tactics bad? Should I stick to the basics? If I really wanted to be in a relationship maybe I would care, but right now I’m happily enjoying being single. I mean if I was taken, I would run out of fun stories to write about. It would be nice, however, to hear back from someone. I want to feel a little wanted, even if I don’t want them. That’s probably shitty of me to feel, but I never claimed to be perfect.

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