The way I handle breakups might not be the best way. I usually immediately hop back onto dating apps to see what my options are. I’m not looking for a hook up, I’m just merely using it to remind myself that there are others out there. That I shouldn’t worry it didn’t work out with one boy when it could so easily work with someone else, and online apps are the perfect tools to show me all my potential suitors. The problem with this, however, is it gets me wrapped up in conversations with people I am not ready to date. This hinders me from spending time with myself to grow as a person, and I feel like the time I need after this break up is crucial. Who is Kevin, because that is what I’m trying to essentially find out.
I can tell you right now I handled this break up the same as all the others. I’ve started talking to new guys, but my heart is not even remotely in it. I’m using this opportunity to connect with people to become friends, and every time I meet up with someone from tinder or bumble, I just end up talking about my ex and the break up. This is something you should NEVER do if you’re seriously trying to move on and date other people, but let this be a sign that I am not ready to be emotionally intimate with anyone.
The day before my breakup with Shay, I went out with my friends dancing and drinking. I invited him out to join us, but he said he was feeling sick and wanted me to go have fun. I offered to stay in with him, but he was very insistent I go and hang with friends. While out dancing, this boy kept staring at me and he looked vaguely familiar so I approached him. We started chatting, I found out his name was Drew, and I told him I had a boyfriend. I assumed he would just leave, but we kept talking and he said he was new in town and needed friends as well so I thought, “Yeah! I just moved too and I also need friends.” So we exchanged numbers, hung out with my friends for a bit, and then parted ways. He texted me later saying he’d love to hangout as friends one day and that was that.
Few weeks after the break up with Shay I see Drew’s OkCupid profile and it says we’re like a 90% match. I texted him saying that according to science we would be a good pair, and that led to us talking and him asking about my ex and me discussing the breakup. We agreed to meet up soon for lunch and then just chatted a bit more about love and loss.
We eventually agreed to meet up at this really cool bar/club in Silverlake, so he went out dancing with his roommates and I brought my best friend along too. We all had a good time, and at the end of the night, I decided to invite him to come home with me. I don’t know why. I think I wanted to prove to myself that I could be intimate with someone else? But when he came over all I felt was a sense of guilt and I could only think of Shay. Drew ended up staying the night and one thing led to another. I will clarify now that we did not have sex. But we got intimate in a way I haven’t been with anyone since Shay, and that was plenty for me.
Part of me wanted Drew out of my apartment, another part of me kept saying, “Shay dumped you stop feeling guilty!” So the following morning Drew turns to me, wishes me Happy Valentine’s day, and then we just lay in bed talking for a bit. This is where the story gets really interesting.
While laying in bed Drew asks me if I have an instagram. I told him it’s what I use to express myself with my poetry, and I hand him my phone to look at it. While he’s scrolling through my phone he stops at a picture of my ex and goes, “Shay is your ex?” My heart immediately drops to my stomach and I hesitantly respond with, “Yes, why?”
He goes on to tell me that 8 months ago, a month before Shay and I started dating, he went out with Shay on a date, they hooked up, and talked for a bit. I immediately started laughing at how this would of course happen to me. That the firs person I decide to be intimate with on some level, would have also been intimate with my ex. Small world or shitty luck, I can’t tell.
I then start to look at Drew’s instagram and have a sudden realization that I remember seeing his page before. I was Shay’s first boyfriend, but I asked if he ever liked anyone before me, and he said yes. The boy he liked before me was Drew, and I used to remember feeling irritated about this unknown boy in the beginning of my relationship with Shay. Now here I was with my ex boyfriends old crush in my bed on Valentine’s day. I felt an overwhelming feeling of emotions. Pride, sadness, a sense of joy, and then melancholy. I didn’t know what to think so I just laughed. Laughed at the irony and how of course this would happen to me.
Drew never liked Shay, that’s why it didn’t work out. But it makes my ego feel good to know that Drew is more interested in me than my ex and that is probably a really shitty thing to say. But I’m human, and you can’t fault me for feeling like that. I’m sure a lot of people would feel that way.
But the irony of my connection with Drew and Shay is not over, oh no, it gets worse. Or funnier. It really just depends on how you look at it.
The night of Valentine’s day I get a text from Drew saying, “So you told Shay?” And my stomach dropped again for the second time that day. I did not tell Shay anything, he and I haven’t really spoken since the break up, so I was curious as to why Drew was asking me this. Turns out Shay had just sent him a random friend request on Facebook when they haven’t seen or spoken to each other in 8 months. What the hell are the chances that my ex will be sending a friend request to the boy I just hooked up with not even 12 hours before? Again, life is funny.
I assume he was adding him, because like me, maybe he’s trying to reach out to old flames to see if they could reignite a spark again. That thought makes me sad, but what can I do? He didn’t want me and I’m not going to mope around about it. It’s just ridiculous that the first person I become intimate with to help me forget about Shay is a common connection to him. Thinking about it now, that’s probably why Drew looked so familiar that night in the bar. Shay has no idea I know Drew, but theres a big satisfaction knowing Drew finds me more interesting than my ex.